he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
