Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
