morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
