K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
