And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
