Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
