Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
