Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize