My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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