I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I CAN MOONWALK!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
