I can tuck mytits in my pants
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's always time for handjobs
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
