well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
