she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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