I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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