shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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