After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
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