i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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