Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
