Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
