i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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