He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
