So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize