Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
