I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
