I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
