you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
