he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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