So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
