She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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