When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize