My friends, they love my intelligence
I bet he comes in French.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize