I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
