Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
