we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
