she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
