Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
