well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
