Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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