This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
