Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
