Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
