Cold hands, warm shart.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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