Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize