I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
