So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize