hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
