Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
