I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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