We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
