You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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