i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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