First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
