Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
