they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
