You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
