i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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