He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
