this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its liver damage thursday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
