Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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