Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
