um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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