i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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