I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
