there's paper in my vomit.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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