the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Randomize
