I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
