they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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