the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Congratulations! We have a period
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
