i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
