Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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