i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He keeps bees of course he's weird
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize