If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I deserve this hangover.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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