I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
