I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
