Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
love makes seman taste better
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
