Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
