google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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