you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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