she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
