And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
