So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize