oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
