It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
