Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
