Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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