Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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