there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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