Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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