OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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