is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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