ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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