We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
