I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
