cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
