the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There r osticjed everywhere
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
