you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
