you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
