When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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