Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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