Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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