Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
