you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
