Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
