After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
