It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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